Interview with Stevie Evil Cat

This week Twitter pals, I took my life into my hands and went to interview @StevieEvilCat to enable you all to know the real Mog behind the insults. Secretly knowing that he adores me and loves to copy everything I do, I asked on your behalf, ten questions that I thought we would all like to hear the answers to. He was very accommodating and only set my hat on fire once – he was in a good mood. Below is a transcript of what was said.

Santa’s Cat on fire

1. What’s the best Christmas present you’ve ever had?
I don’t celebrate Christmas, because I’m a bloody cat.

2. What makes you happy?
The end of this interview will be a good start.

3. If you could have an extra eye, where would you put it?
No, again, I’m a cat. These questions are stupid SC, I’m going to punch your nose off if things don’t improve.

4. Do you worry that cats one day will be replaced by robots?
You think there are people out there programming robots to vom’ up hairballs and clean their own bum with their tongues do you? Ridiculous. You have no brains SC, you’re basically a talking cushion cover.

5. Do you have a secret talent?
My are spectacular and you can’t see them, so in that respect they’re a hidden talent.

6. What do you want for Christmas this year?
As we’ve already established I’M A CAT, WHY WOULD I CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS YOU TINSEL OBSESSED IMBECILE. That said, I would like 87 hand, no, paw? No, hand grenades. I like to cover them in gravy and feed them to dogs.

7. How many of your nine lives have you used up and how?
I don’t use up lives I TAKE LIVES. So far I’ve murdered 2483 mice, 964 birds, 879 fish, 73 hamsters, 26 dogs, 5 men, 2 rhinos and a badger.

8. What’s the best thing about being a cat?
I am the best cat, yes, it’s good you noticed. Plus, I get to sleep 16 hours a day, walk around naked, murder whomever I choose, have free food and lodgings and spend most days nipped up to the eyeballs whilst punching passing mice.

9. What’s the loveliest-doveliest, cutsy-wootsiest thing about you?
My large intestine.

10. Do you think you might be possessed? (We do, hehehe!)
I am not controlled by an evil spirit, I AM AN EVIL SPIRIT. I’m done with these questions SC, I have a brand new badminton racket and a group of baby blue tits, or shuttlecocks as I like to call them, waiting for me in the grounds of my Lair. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Well folks, how enlightening was that!!

I hope you all enjoyed getting to know Stevie a bit better and appreciate how sweet and precious he is. What would we do without him?  Lots of cuddles for you Stevie,  I’m sure all your Twitter pals will send you big hugs too when they read this interview. Many thanks.

Stevie in the Jungle

Mr Tibbs Gets Christmas News from Santa’s Cat

Mr Tibbs - friend of Santa's Cat
Mr Tibbs

In the run up to Christmas my good friend, Mr Tibbs (@MrTibbsatAP or facebook.com/mrtibbsatAP) asked me for a bit of news about what it’s like being Santa’s cat at this time of year.

Before I go on though, I’d like to take a minute to wish Tibbsy a very meowy Christmas and a purrrrfect new year.

See you soon on Twitter old pal.

christmas_bar

And now, here’s the latest on life at the North Pole from Santa’s Cat…

Santa's Cat at the North Pole
Santa’s Cat at the North Pole

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas! I’ve had enough of Christmas. All the elves are running around, too busy to fuss me and give me my usual treats. There are presents everywhere, in the living room in the kitchen, in the hall and even on my favourite chair. As for the man himself, he’s so jolly it would test the patience of a Christmas angel. If I have to endure one more “Ho Ho Ho” disturbing my afternoon nap I shall be forced to move in with the reindeer.

Apologies to all who were looking forward to hearing a heart warming tale of life at Christmas House but you don’t have to live here. There are hundreds of fairies buzzing past all the time like a plague of mosquitoes, leaving clouds of fairy dust in their wake. There’s nothing like fairy dust for making you sneeze. It’s worse than hay fever! Then, there’s the continual noise of the reindeer. At this time of year, they spend their days practising landing on the roof. It makes a terrible racket – enough to drive a snoozing cat crazy. We cats need our sleep, humans and fairy folk should know better.

snowmanOutside it’s every bit as bad. The elves are forever building snowmen – and snowomen – who promptly come to life and dance around the garden until dawn. Whenever I set out on my nightly patrol, some dizzy young snowboy asks me to join him in a waltz or a Foxtrot or goodness knows what. I don’t dance. Especially with someone who has sticks instead of arms a carrot for a nose.

The magical creatures who turn up at all hours of the night and day also leave a lot to be desired. They sit in the kitchen nibbling all my favourite food without so much as a by your leave. The ogres are the worst. We get a lot of them at Christmas. They can smell the delicious treats in our larder come lumbering out of the mountains, looking for something to eat. Santa, being such a nice guy, always invites them in and they sit there like gobs of slimy stone wolfing down everything they can get their mitts on. Including my cat
food. Santa says we should all be kind to those less fortunate and I am – I hold open the door when they’re on the way out.

So. I expect you’re wondering why I stay. I mean, a warm, loving, cheerful cat such as myself is welcome anywhere. But there is one reason I remain. It’s the big man himself. He may berate me for licking the butter off his toast and chasing the Christmas fairies, but deep down he truly loves me. How do I know? Well, he takes me off the naughty list every Christmas Eve and in the morning I get a mountain of magical presents. As they always
say, it’s the giving that counts! 😉

 

In Memoriam

This page is dedicated to those of us whose paws have taken their last step on this Earth, or whose feathers have flown through their final sky of this world. Santa’s Cat doesn’t know what’s next or even if there is a next but she likes to think so.

If you would like Santa’s Cat to add a picture of your much missed pet and friend to this page, just get in touch. It’s good to remember those we’ve loved.

@Emma_black_cat

We remembered gorgeous @Emma_black_cat this year, in the 2018 Easter Pawrade. Here she is, pictured in a fabulous hat.

Emma

Henry

Lovely Henry will be missed by all the anipals on Twitter. Here is a commemorative collage to remind us all of what a dear chap he was.

Henry’s Tale

Deaf Lottie

Sadly on April 29th 2013, our dear friend Deaf Lottie went OTRB. She was a character well loved and respected. Everyone knew her to be funny, kind, tough as they come and always up for a party. Her driving had to be seen to be believed and if she was racing against you in her famous car, you would be taking your life in your hands if you tried to overtake her! Bless you Lottie, enjoy the next part of your journey.

Deaf Lottie

Interview With Wolfie

In celebration of Wolfie‘s recovery having had his leg amputated, I decided to interview such a brave panfur. Hope you enjoy it!

Wolfie - Our Brave Panfur
Wolfie – Our Brave Panfur

Are you totally recovered from your operation?

I am fully over the operation but have to a) build up my front leg & shoulder muscles now to compensate for just having the one and b) wait for my fur to grow back. They shaved lots of it off and it is quite chilly – specially in the snow! Brrr!!!

Have you got a special wish?

My special wish would be for all anipals to find a loving home but my extra specialist wish is that NO anipal will ever be pts because…they are homeless ever again!

What’s the most difficult thing about being a tripod?

The most difficult thing at the moment is I keep forgetting and try to move the leg I haven’t got…like when I first wake up!

Did you enjoy your Panfurs of the Caribbean adventure?

#PofC was the best adventure ever!!! I had so much fun and all my pals We all dressed up and it was just pawsome!

If you could change the colour of a giraffe, what colour would it be?

I think giraffes are cool but if I had to change their colour I would make them purple…cos I think they would be the only purple anipals on the planet!

What’s your favourite food to eat?

My favourite food is TUNA. Drools at thought!

Do you think a panfur should share the throne with the Queen?

No I don’t think so, when we take over the world it will just confuse things!

What’s your favourite film?

My favourite film ever is Puss in Boots – he is my hero!

If you had to design a flag for the North Pole what would you put on it?

I would put Santa’s Cat on the flag at the North Pole!

Do you have any advice for young panfurs?

All young panfurs need to know that they are the coolest of cats and therefore need to be…extra hard working & set a good example to all other cats everywhere! #PanfurPower

 

 

Lotsa Lottie

Following Lottie’s birthday bash, she very kindly agreed to answer a few questions, to enable us to see the true Lottie we know and love. I feel honoured to have participated in this interview.  Please enjoy!

 

lottie1. Did you enjoy your recent birthday banquet on Twitter?

Loved the banq – was very honoured.

 

2. What’s your favourite brand of laxatives?

2. Who’s the most famous person you would like to take tea with?

The queen – I believe she is refined n likes sherry..

 

3. Have you ever had a *Brief encounter*?

*shocked ears* I’m a laydee! nearest was an almost virtual romance with Charlie_chan on twitter, we were gonna go for a ride in his pink cadillac he was getting 4 his 18th berfday last year, but sadly he went OTRB 2 weeks before, I had a new dress and bonnet all sorted.

 

4. Have you got all your own teeth?

4. What do you think of the youth of today?

The yoof of today need a good bat round the ear – have you met leonard – he is learning – slowly.

 

5.Would you like to share your memories of the English Civil war?

Memories of the English civil war? we won!! I couldn’t decide if I should be roundhead or a cavlier though!

 

6.What action do you take when the vet takes your temperature?

The vet doesnt get near enough to take my temp – I have very good teef and I don’t do vets, or tablets or medicines – not ever.

 

7.What’s your favourite film?

Fave film: Aristocats

 

8.Are you finding flatulence a problem in old age?

8. What do you wish for yourself in your golden years?

Golden yrs wish – gingers leave me alone

 

9.If I gave you a Bulldozer what would you like to demolish?

Is it a CATerpillar?

 

10.What’s the best Christmas present you have ever had?

I discovered cat nip in my later yrs – the cat nip mouse n scratching pad is mine all mine!

 

I decided to call it a day at this point in our interview, as Lottie calmly fell asleep, tightly clutching her nip mouse and scratching pad. This old bat lady of the feline world, can (in my opinion) be considered a true national dragon treasure!

 

 

A Chat with Cat Weasel

And for those of you who’ve been waiting for it, here’s the other half of the Wheezygob duo… CatWeasel. Find out what makes him tick in this ten question interview:

CatWeasel

What’s the best thing about being a cat?

Everything, obviously, cats are just pawsome! You get to sleep a lot and get waited on paw and foot by staff.

Who’s your favourite performer?

Well, the great George Formby, is obviously my biggest influence. He is the master of the ukelelelele.

Would you ever steal from the fridge?

If there was chicken, I may well be tempted…

Eating or sleeping. Which d’you like best?

Oh, that’s difficult, I think some Dreamies followed by a good sleep would be hard to beat.

If you were a biscuit, which kind would you be?

A Bourbon

Do you think the queen should have cats rather than dogs?

Clearly, as we are divine, I think the Queen should BE a cat.

What’s the best Christmas present you’ve ever had?

That has to be my Da bird toy with Da Mousey attachment, it’s pure joy on a stick!

If I gave you an elephant, where would you hide it?

Where no one would look!

Do you have a message for your fans?

You’re the best fans in the world! Effurything Wheezy Gob do, we do for you!

What’s your definition of happiness?

Sleeping under my blankie after an evening chatting to my pals on Twitter & singing Wheezy Gob songs with my panfur pal Goblin.

panther-cat Meet CatWeasel on Twitter!

The Dynamic Duo Mia and Manu

mia&manuIs it as bird? Is it a Plane? No! It’s Mia and Manu the Dynamic Duo – two of the most photographed kitties around. They’re our Siamese celebrities – the Posh and Becks of kitty Twitter (except with brains as well as beauty!)

 

These two delightful felines are always up for a bit of fun and love an exciting adventure.  Don’t be fooled by their appearance, although  they never have a hair out of place, (jealous ears), these two pretty kitties can be extremely naughty, (but nice). Everyone loves them dearly!

 

Meet Mia and Manu on their beautiful website!

Interview with Goblin

Decided to find out a bit more about my furry friends and caught up with Goblin, half of the talented Wheezygob duo, for a quick interview…

GoblinWhat’s the best thing about being a cat?

Well, obviously being da most intelligent creature on da planet has it’s benefits…  being a cat means dat I doe snot have to work for a living and dat I has staff to wait on me, which is just as it should be, of course. I fink da very best fing about being a cat is dat you gets to hang out wiv other cats, and dat is way cool!

Who’s your favourite performer?

Wivout a doubt is is Mr George Formby da maestro of da ukeleleleleleelelee eee. second to George it would have to be Hank Williams.

Would you ever steal from the fridge?

Yes.  Given da opportunity I would. What sorta cat would I be if I didn’t?

Eating or sleeping.  Which d’you like best?

Eating, just… I likes eating, I likes chipses very much, very much indeed, and fried eggses.

If you were a biscuit,which kind would you be?

I would be a little cracker

Do you think the Queen should have cats rather than dogs?

*laughs* are you bein’ serious? Yes, of course she should.

What’s the best Christmas present you’ve ever had?

Well, I always enjoys nip toys from da Natural Pet Company, and I always gets a tin of tooona. It’s very hard to choose between da two…

If I gave you an elephant, where would you hide it?

In my panfur box…

Do you have a message for your fans?

Hello fans! I hopes you will continue to support Wheezygob and to enjoy our unique brand of music and yodelising.

What’s your definition of happiness?

Some nip, a tin of tuna, a date wiv @Poppy_kitten and palying da ukeleleleleleleeeeleleleee wiv my mate Weas #Wheezygob

 

 

WheezyGob

Wheezy Gob BlackpoolTwitter’s one and only black panfur boy band, whose talent exceeds all others. Let’s pay homage to Goblin, whose yodelling has got to be heard to be believed and CatWeasel, whose ukulele  playing would make George Formby cry envious. Many a time WheezyGob have serenaded us with their original lyrics, specially written for the occasion and at Christmas, they entertain us all by murdering singing Christmas carols. What would we do without them!

 

Meet Goblin on Twitter!  Meet CatWeasel on Twitter!

My Pal Mr Pie

Pie in gardenMr Pie, (also known as Mince), is one of our national Twitter treasures. Like most pies, he is crisp on the outside, soft and witty on the inside and easy to digest! We have had many a fun pie fight, (I throw them, he eats them) and have been on numerous virtual adventures with the rest of our Twitter pals. We all love his comical banter, as he is clever, kind, fat, funny and good to have around!

If  you want to meet Mr Pie, go to piethefatcat.com/piethefatcat/Pie.html or find him on Twitter @Mr_Pie