This week Twitter pals, I took my life into my hands and went to interview @StevieEvilCat to enable you all to know the real Mog behind the insults. Secretly knowing that he adores me and loves to copy everything I do, I asked on your behalf, ten questions that I thought we would all like to hear the answers to. He was very accommodating and only set my hat on fire once – he was in a good mood. Below is a transcript of what was said.
1. What’s the best Christmas present you’ve ever had?
I don’t celebrate Christmas, because I’m a bloody cat.
2. What makes you happy?
The end of this interview will be a good start.
3. If you could have an extra eye, where would you put it?
No, again, I’m a cat. These questions are stupid SC, I’m going to punch your nose off if things don’t improve.
4. Do you worry that cats one day will be replaced by robots?
You think there are people out there programming robots to vom’ up hairballs and clean their own bum with their tongues do you? Ridiculous. You have no brains SC, you’re basically a talking cushion cover.
5. Do you have a secret talent?
#BottomBurpsOfDoom are spectacular and you can’t see them, so in that respect they’re a hidden talent.
6. What do you want for Christmas this year?
As we’ve already established I’M A CAT, WHY WOULD I CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS YOU TINSEL OBSESSED IMBECILE. That said, I would like 87 hand, no, paw? No, hand grenades. I like to cover them in gravy and feed them to dogs.
7. How many of your nine lives have you used up and how?
I don’t use up lives I TAKE LIVES. So far I’ve murdered 2483 mice, 964 birds, 879 fish, 73 hamsters, 26 dogs, 5 men, 2 rhinos and a badger.
8. What’s the best thing about being a cat?
I am the best cat, yes, it’s good you noticed. Plus, I get to sleep 16 hours a day, walk around naked, murder whomever I choose, have free food and lodgings and spend most days nipped up to the eyeballs whilst punching passing mice.
9. What’s the loveliest-doveliest, cutsy-wootsiest thing about you?
My large intestine.
10. Do you think you might be possessed? (We do, hehehe!)
I am not controlled by an evil spirit, I AM AN EVIL SPIRIT. I’m done with these questions SC, I have a brand new badminton racket and a group of baby blue tits, or shuttlecocks as I like to call them, waiting for me in the grounds of my Lair. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Well folks, how enlightening was that!!
I hope you all enjoyed getting to know Stevie a bit better and appreciate how sweet and precious he is. What would we do without him? Lots of cuddles for you Stevie, I’m sure all your Twitter pals will send you big hugs too when they read this interview. Many thanks.