It was a warm evening, when the passengers started to board the Orient Express…
Everyone was full of excitement at the prospect of a wonderful extravagant overland journey to Venice, dinning on Champagne and caviare and
having a right good knees-up taking in the sights.
The voyagers were wearing the finest cloths that money could buy
from Oxfam and the ladies were all wearing their most expensive jewellery from cash converters.
“ALL ABOARD!!” shouted the conductor waving his flag and when all the doors were shut, the train moved out of the station.
The Champagne cocktails began to flow and the passengers were
plastered, enjoying themselves in no time. The ticket collector collected the tickets and a few wallets too and informed everyone that dinner would be burnt served shortly.
staggering, the passengers moved towards the dinning car. Suddenly, there was a blood curdling scream. Everyone started laughing stopped in their tracks at the sight of a dead elf, collapsed on a seat by the window. In his hand was a half eaten apple. Several of the detectives on board examined the evidence and it was decided that somebody had poisoned him. WHO DUNNIT??
The elf was taken to the luggage car for further investigation. Meanwhile, having administered brandy to those that felt the need for it
any excuse, dinner was served.
Following the terrible murder of the elf, everyone
knocked back drinks in the bar speculated as to *WHO DUNNIT*. Then somebody screamed. The piano player, Jack Smarmy, staggered in with a knife sticking out of his chest and promptly collapsed. The famous trollop film star Dolores Diamond passed out drunk on the floor swooned, next to the corpse. (She knew him well!)
There was a deathly hush as everyone looked accusingly at each other, wondering who might be next.
The train raced into a tunnel. The lights went out. BANG! BANG! Two shots. As the train cleared the tunnel and the daylight flooded in… SHOCK. Another murder.
Sitting in a seat at the back of the lounge, a
nosy little old lady known as Miss Marple lay dead, clutching her knitting. *WHO DUNNIT*!! The detectives on the train gathered around the two corpses and giggled tried to work out what the murders were all about. Their little grey cells were working overtime. Would they be able to find the killer before there was another murder?
Scroll down to find out…
Well, (takes a deep breath), to cut a long story short…
…it turns out that Mikey was on the train trying to find his long lost father. His adopted father, (the train driver), came face to face with an old flame, (Miss Marple), who unbeknown to him was the mother of Mikey thanks to a steamy affair with said train driver. She confessed that she had had a child by the train driver and put him up for adoption not knowing that the train driver and his wife adopted the boy, unaware that Mikey was the train driver’s real son. (Deep breath.) The train driver, who shall remain anonymous, (Mr Pie), took his revenge and when the train went into the tunnel he shot Miss Marple dead (or so he thought). She, like all true Brits, was wearing her very British Winter vest. The bullets bounced off her and straight out of the window. She soon recovered from the shock however, and had a large drink along with the rest of the
drunken mob passengers.
(Takes another deep breath.)
It also turns out that the elf was not dead but had eaten himself into a coma, (greedy thing). He quickly came round as we arrived in Venice complaining that he was hungry. The piano player wasn’t dead either, but just thought he would liven things up a bit as nobody was paying any attention to his playing.
All in all, everyone had a good time and the people of Venice wondered what on earth was happening, as dozens of anipals got off the Orient Express and commandeered every gondola in Venice for a race along the canals.